....from what I remember we actually do have the Yakuza in my world, except they're from a place called Higashi.
(honestly? she might have pointed out the differences in reality and the sopranos for herself. people don't expect young girls to be chosen over their father's for leadership, especially not when something like the mafia is a man's world in general. similar to the yakuza. expectations, expectations, there were plenty of those. you don't survive if you fall from grace in that wolf eat wolf world.
she's seen it, she knows it, and she understands it all too well.)
It's easier to say for comparisons that I'm Siracusan, or rather Italian, but I'm also Columbian....American, for another. I was born Columbian, but raised Siracusan.
There are some things that are difficult to unlearn, even more difficult to let go of that people in that life know about. Whenever you leave, they all know. Marking you as being without a pack, designating the person as scum they talk about behind their backs while calling for the death of people that once sat with them at the table depending on the "sin" they committed. It doesn't matter how high they were, everyone falls one day and those people were the ones foolish enough to abandon everything for getting further ahead in a cutthroat world that didn't give much of a shit about them.
I left it behind me....but it doesn't change what I lost, that many people openly spoke about me terribly in a country that once said I was "more Siracusan than true Siracusan's". They'd call me a party girl, useless, say I got killed somewhere or died quietly from how quick I was to disappear after discarding what would've been a life as an heiress and donna had it not been for what happened to become a lone wolf as they call it.
I'm happier for it, is what I know. Living like that in the sense of letting others decide how you want to live isn't truly living was what I realized regardless of doubts I had to myself, even if took me seven years to realize this. So the reason why living makes me happy, is truly because I love life regardless of how I once questioned myself for making these choices. On if this was worth it.
( this was a lot for a dilettante like her; a woman who only touched the surface of things because she was so afraid of truly diving into her emotions and confronting the darkness of it all. she'd been so eager to buoy heavier topics and feelings to the surface, using sex and playfulness to run from it. however people needed her, this confession was clearly some kind of cry for help in being understood.
she knew what that was like, being spoken about poorly for something out of her control. she was half american, half japanese; a mutt as some of her schoolmates had called her back in the day. now those same people were begging for her to come back to their hometown and perform for them.
their worlds were different but alas, there was always some mutual understanding. )
you're here now though. away from all of that with people who like and love you for what you are. so live your life here, and try to be happy. for your own sake.
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@dilettante
Date: 2026-04-12 03:03 am (UTC)....from what I remember we actually do have the Yakuza in my world, except they're from a place called Higashi.
(honestly? she might have pointed out the differences in reality and the sopranos for herself. people don't expect young girls to be chosen over their father's for leadership, especially not when something like the mafia is a man's world in general. similar to the yakuza. expectations, expectations, there were plenty of those. you don't survive if you fall from grace in that wolf eat wolf world.
she's seen it, she knows it, and she understands it all too well.)
It's easier to say for comparisons that I'm Siracusan, or rather Italian, but I'm also Columbian....American, for another. I was born Columbian, but raised Siracusan.
There are some things that are difficult to unlearn, even more difficult to let go of that people in that life know about. Whenever you leave, they all know. Marking you as being without a pack, designating the person as scum they talk about behind their backs while calling for the death of people that once sat with them at the table depending on the "sin" they committed. It doesn't matter how high they were, everyone falls one day and those people were the ones foolish enough to abandon everything for getting further ahead in a cutthroat world that didn't give much of a shit about them.
I left it behind me....but it doesn't change what I lost, that many people openly spoke about me terribly in a country that once said I was "more Siracusan than true Siracusan's". They'd call me a party girl, useless, say I got killed somewhere or died quietly from how quick I was to disappear after discarding what would've been a life as an heiress and donna had it not been for what happened to become a lone wolf as they call it.
I'm happier for it, is what I know. Living like that in the sense of letting others decide how you want to live isn't truly living was what I realized regardless of doubts I had to myself, even if took me seven years to realize this. So the reason why living makes me happy, is truly because I love life regardless of how I once questioned myself for making these choices. On if this was worth it.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-12 07:45 pm (UTC)( this was a lot for a dilettante like her; a woman who only touched the surface of things because she was so afraid of truly diving into her emotions and confronting the darkness of it all. she'd been so eager to buoy heavier topics and feelings to the surface, using sex and playfulness to run from it. however people needed her, this confession was clearly some kind of cry for help in being understood.
she knew what that was like, being spoken about poorly for something out of her control. she was half american, half japanese; a mutt as some of her schoolmates had called her back in the day. now those same people were begging for her to come back to their hometown and perform for them.
their worlds were different but alas, there was always some mutual understanding. )
you're here now though. away from all of that with people who like and love you for what you are. so live your life here, and try to be happy. for your own sake.
even if it isn't the kind of freedom you want.