(they're similar. with or without realizing it, down to her knowing in reality that not many would understand her choice that night. to kill after meeting him one last time, her father. to set ablaze their mansion home, ending the lives of her familiga and her own blood. what she enacted was what texas felt just. take the life of her father and burn away what remains of everything that once had been her and her old life. there were no winners (there weren't ever any) with her recollection of everything said about herself. the people didn't care about her reason for justice. all they saw was a woman, a girl, who separated herself from the fold by not perishing that night.
how they'd whisper about her, the newly christened lone wolf. about how she must have died in a ditch, how she ran away and became a mindless party girl. some even gossiped about her being a disgrace to the name "texas". but she never changed it and how she never sought to turn away their thoughts from what her father had done. that was his choice, her own was to abandon what had been a life that threatened to drown her in the rain.
a life that would have killed her sooner, rather than later. they cared not about her. this was what she, cellinia, lives with. never changing her last name, carrying it on and that once prestigious legacy as a memory. the last, the only one of her bloodline now and forever. until she may draw her last breath.)
You'll have me there.(just like ace.)To watch your back, and maybe hope that we never have to see again any blood spilled by the Karterian's and by our fellows who can't fight.
[ It shouldn't comfort her as much as it does to read those words because she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that it means there will one day be a need for violence. Even when it means protecting something — and someone — worth fighting for, it means Mel will have to break the final moral she has held for herself. There is always another way, is what she has told herself for years and years, and here she is, making pacts with people to stand up and fight to protect those she cares for, for the people who cannot fight themselves.
For so long, she was one of those people. Just what is she becoming by being party to all of this?
(And yet, the alternative — to do nothing, to not fight, to remain static and unchanging, a councilor who cannot protect herself, held apart from the world and those she wants to walk with — is unacceptable. It is its own form of violence.
So perhaps she has only been deluding herself, believing she was peaceful. Perhaps the wolf has always been pretending to be a fox. Nothing she has ever offered has ever been kind, now that she has the space and regret of hindsight to see it all. She's only ever offered violence, sweetened with honeyed words and promises, and nothing else. A failure, over and over, to live out the ideals of her house and herself.)
One day, she may have to ask these people to fight for her. She may have to send them into danger. She knows, intrinsically, she cannot do this alone. And yet some part of her is adamant, again and again: I have to be stronger. I can't lose anyone else. I can't be a burden any longer. I can't have anyone hurt because of me, not again.
[ But she also wants to keep this promise, too. They both have people they want to protect, to shield from the worst. Ace is one of them, too. She can't ask him to fight and yet...hasn't she already, by asking him to take up this cause? If Texas is willing to bring her all to the cause, if she is willing to fight...
The least Mel can do is meet them at the center, and ensure she is strong enough to hold her own and to have their backs too. ]
And you'll have me. You won't be left fighting alone.
[ There are other ways. She will find them and exhaust every avenue until there is no other choice. And then, she will do what's necessary. ]
I promise you. We can make this place better. We'll do whatever we can to see it through. But until then...be safe, Texas. We don't know what's to come.
[ And she won't lose a valuable ally (because she can't use the word 'friend' just yet) so soon. Not if she can help it. ]
(once upon a time, cellinia herself had even known that her world was something different from those who laughed and shared normal yet mundane moments of childhood bliss and joy. family was meant to be held above all. honor, integrity, and tradition. above oneself, one must carry in them a sense of chivalry and never once allow what they deemed important to fall away to the sword that was placed to their neck. what of her fellow man, her fellows who raise not weapons but words? those who struggle in the face of death and its promises of despair, tragedy, and demise so unfairly rotten for the beautiful souls who gave so much?
what of those who fell before her, for little more reason than a desire driven by madness? she thinks of it, she thinks of her grandfather and how he would often tell her the stories of his homeland. the old country that he once was part of, how he dreamed his darling grandchild and the apple of his eye would remember her roots. that cellinia would one day make her choice.
but that choice she made, she left fire in her wake. she holds tightly on to her loved ones, no matter how she may not convey it in how much cellinia treasures them. what once was is not for them to suffer through. her burden alone as she embraces her deepest most desire. to live, knowing that she would always have regrets. carry it on her shoulders, enact justice the way that befits her not as a texas, but as cellinia herself. she does not need a name to know what she feels, a legacy that she detested with everything she had while also never abandoning the name.
if they cannot fight, she would do it. she'd carry their burden, their dreams, and more than that on her shoulders. the way that cellinia can, the only way that she could. for them, she is their sword and no matter it all, they won't fight alone. ace, mel, even chuuya and momo. even the woman who accepted the invitation to be her roommate and ala. she no longer would allow herself to watch as those around her fell one by one. no more doubts, no more letting hesitation and fear stop her. those thorns in her may never fade away, but she offers herself despite it all.)
I will be.
(may they not see before their eye's death wrought down again. her own father may never call her his daughter again in his own death, but she would not let it stop her. from what she carries. these are her friends, to give her all is from her own desire to not surrender to wasting away to despair.
and perhaps one day, this blood staining her hands would be replaced with something more in that question she's always herself. on if it's worth it, if it would be from all that she's gone through.)
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no subject
Date: 2025-07-06 07:10 pm (UTC)how they'd whisper about her, the newly christened lone wolf. about how she must have died in a ditch, how she ran away and became a mindless party girl. some even gossiped about her being a disgrace to the name "texas". but she never changed it and how she never sought to turn away their thoughts from what her father had done. that was his choice, her own was to abandon what had been a life that threatened to drown her in the rain.
a life that would have killed her sooner, rather than later. they cared not about her. this was what she, cellinia, lives with. never changing her last name, carrying it on and that once prestigious legacy as a memory. the last, the only one of her bloodline now and forever. until she may draw her last breath.)
You'll have me there. (just like ace.) To watch your back, and maybe hope that we never have to see again any blood spilled by the Karterian's and by our fellows who can't fight.
1/2
Date: 2025-07-07 01:55 pm (UTC)For so long, she was one of those people. Just what is she becoming by being party to all of this?
(And yet, the alternative — to do nothing, to not fight, to remain static and unchanging, a councilor who cannot protect herself, held apart from the world and those she wants to walk with — is unacceptable. It is its own form of violence.
So perhaps she has only been deluding herself, believing she was peaceful. Perhaps the wolf has always been pretending to be a fox. Nothing she has ever offered has ever been kind, now that she has the space and regret of hindsight to see it all. She's only ever offered violence, sweetened with honeyed words and promises, and nothing else. A failure, over and over, to live out the ideals of her house and herself.)
One day, she may have to ask these people to fight for her. She may have to send them into danger. She knows, intrinsically, she cannot do this alone. And yet some part of her is adamant, again and again: I have to be stronger. I can't lose anyone else. I can't be a burden any longer. I can't have anyone hurt because of me, not again.
Over and over and over. ]
2/2
Date: 2025-07-07 01:58 pm (UTC)The least Mel can do is meet them at the center, and ensure she is strong enough to hold her own and to have their backs too. ]
And you'll have me. You won't be left fighting alone.
[ There are other ways. She will find them and exhaust every avenue until there is no other choice. And then, she will do what's necessary. ]
I promise you. We can make this place better. We'll do whatever we can to see it through. But until then...be safe, Texas. We don't know what's to come.
[ And she won't lose a valuable ally (because she can't use the word 'friend' just yet) so soon. Not if she can help it. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-07 02:40 pm (UTC)what of those who fell before her, for little more reason than a desire driven by madness? she thinks of it, she thinks of her grandfather and how he would often tell her the stories of his homeland. the old country that he once was part of, how he dreamed his darling grandchild and the apple of his eye would remember her roots. that cellinia would one day make her choice.
but that choice she made, she left fire in her wake. she holds tightly on to her loved ones, no matter how she may not convey it in how much cellinia treasures them. what once was is not for them to suffer through. her burden alone as she embraces her deepest most desire. to live, knowing that she would always have regrets. carry it on her shoulders, enact justice the way that befits her not as a texas, but as cellinia herself. she does not need a name to know what she feels, a legacy that she detested with everything she had while also never abandoning the name.
if they cannot fight, she would do it. she'd carry their burden, their dreams, and more than that on her shoulders. the way that cellinia can, the only way that she could. for them, she is their sword and no matter it all, they won't fight alone. ace, mel, even chuuya and momo. even the woman who accepted the invitation to be her roommate and ala. she no longer would allow herself to watch as those around her fell one by one. no more doubts, no more letting hesitation and fear stop her. those thorns in her may never fade away, but she offers herself despite it all.)
I will be.
(may they not see before their eye's death wrought down again. her own father may never call her his daughter again in his own death, but she would not let it stop her. from what she carries. these are her friends, to give her all is from her own desire to not surrender to wasting away to despair.
and perhaps one day, this blood staining her hands would be replaced with something more in that question she's always herself. on if it's worth it, if it would be from all that she's gone through.)