[ There is only so much they can do on their own, try as they might. But to ask for help means only to draw in others who will become targets. She knows the post office idea is not going to be well-received by all; worse, she knows having eyes on the streets is tantamount to spying and will likely not be as well-received either if the people see it as such.
It's likely things will become more and more dangerous as they try to make changes, and even more so with their own corruptions. The idea of asking anyone to wade into danger for her goals is... ]
We will need to start assessing how we can mitigate the damage. I ask all of you for this help because I trust you, and because I believe you can do what's best to keep things safe. But do not hesitate to back out of any of this if it feels too dangerous — if you must protect yourself. There is no shame to it. I can't ask anyone to put themselves in harm's way because of my lofty hopes.
(an out, she knows she can take it. she knows truly that there were risks in this, too many of them in a way. but could she walk away? she knows the answer to that question, it's like leon and lavinia asking her to help. it's like how they wished to change the old county into something more than it's bloodied history of betrayal and death. rain that never seemed to stop pouring, maybe like heaven itself had been crying at the thought that they all were reduced down to kill or be killed.
a dangerous game, but she recognizes what this is for. she knows. they'll all be making enemies, and the government already wasn't a fan of her for this decision she's made in giving them her answer. no, she won't back away. she wouldn't forgive herself, the same way she did it for lavinia until disappearing again for a time.)
I'm not backing out.
If I did, whether it's now or in the future, then I'd wind up furious at myself for doing that. This isn't the first time I've made enemies of certain factions. In the old country, I knew what it meant. Even with how I got involved again, back then for me: I wasn't going to leave things the way they were. I'm not doing this with leaving behind people that I trust because things got rougher than we all expected.
We're in this together, and I won't stop, either. As long as we all can keep going.
(to the end, she means. though this is the first time she spoke of siracusa, of life there a little.)
That's the place where Mel's heart falters a little, dragging, hurt. It's very possible that they won't all see this through to the end, through one avenue or another blocking their way. Infinite's already gone missing, someone who railed against the system and seemed conflicted whenever they spoke. And she doesn't know how to look for him, either, without knowing where he might've gone...or if someone might know him well enough to know where he'd be. ]
All of us might not make it, you know.
[ There's Ace, too, which she can't speak on. Still. ]
But I think we should keep trying and do what we can, even if the outcome isn't ideal. To do any less would be cruel.
[ And even if they can't save everyone, she has to try. She can't live with so many regrets bogged down in her heart. ]
(she knows. she's terrified, but she knows underneath the surface. they all could lose so much more, not only their lives, but what once had been themselves. this is their home, even if it's just for now. texas herself knows. hadn't she lost sight of her own childhood friend? one moment, lappland was there, the next she wasn't. she doesn't know where she went. texas might not ever find her again, but there was more going on. all of it didn't sit well with her.
but is it truly worth surrender? is that what she desires? regrets are always something she'd carry, she might never forget. the loss of her grandfather, her father's insanity. how a country and its people cried out for change only for that to be silenced by heavy rain and bloodied streets.)
I know.
(the realization, she's known for this whole time.)
This might not be our home, but we owe it to everyone here to try. Back home, I....(hesitance, shouldn't she tell someone without it being caused by serviton's?)Back home I wasn't always a courier.
The only other person who knows what I'm about to say is my imprint partner, because he recognized the way I carried myself as being like him. Originally, I was mafiosi. Or mafia, I carry this torch despite no longer being part of it because it's up to me. People would lose their lives over any number of reasons in the old country. It was always the civilians caught by proxy, lives ended and people dead faster than the rain could wash it away.
Civilians like the Karterian's, people like our fellow augmented who were once regular and ordinary men and women. I say this because no matter my doubts of my former life as an heiress, I do not wish to see more people lose what once was themselves or their lives to despair and the anguish behind it.
[ Neither of the terms ring for her. But she sees the thread there, just the same: people who die because of the actions of the few, of those above them with control. Mel had been one of those people, turning a blind eye to Zaun and its needs. It was negligence. But what Texas speaks of... It makes her think of home, of Noxus, of the countless wars for conquest and all of the people caught in between. The senseless loss.
It sounds like Texas understands that part deeply. Loss after loss. And it's so much worse when you feel responsible, when something that is an extension of 'family' is part of the machine that grinds people up.
(And the heiress comment gets her attention, as well. So many similarities.) ]
You and I are not so dissimilar, Texas. I've watched it happen in my home too. I may not be able to stem the tide there but if there is any way we can help the people here until we potentially leave this place [ if they can leave ] then I want to try.
(they're similar. with or without realizing it, down to her knowing in reality that not many would understand her choice that night. to kill after meeting him one last time, her father. to set ablaze their mansion home, ending the lives of her familiga and her own blood. what she enacted was what texas felt just. take the life of her father and burn away what remains of everything that once had been her and her old life. there were no winners (there weren't ever any) with her recollection of everything said about herself. the people didn't care about her reason for justice. all they saw was a woman, a girl, who separated herself from the fold by not perishing that night.
how they'd whisper about her, the newly christened lone wolf. about how she must have died in a ditch, how she ran away and became a mindless party girl. some even gossiped about her being a disgrace to the name "texas". but she never changed it and how she never sought to turn away their thoughts from what her father had done. that was his choice, her own was to abandon what had been a life that threatened to drown her in the rain.
a life that would have killed her sooner, rather than later. they cared not about her. this was what she, cellinia, lives with. never changing her last name, carrying it on and that once prestigious legacy as a memory. the last, the only one of her bloodline now and forever. until she may draw her last breath.)
You'll have me there.(just like ace.)To watch your back, and maybe hope that we never have to see again any blood spilled by the Karterian's and by our fellows who can't fight.
[ It shouldn't comfort her as much as it does to read those words because she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that it means there will one day be a need for violence. Even when it means protecting something — and someone — worth fighting for, it means Mel will have to break the final moral she has held for herself. There is always another way, is what she has told herself for years and years, and here she is, making pacts with people to stand up and fight to protect those she cares for, for the people who cannot fight themselves.
For so long, she was one of those people. Just what is she becoming by being party to all of this?
(And yet, the alternative — to do nothing, to not fight, to remain static and unchanging, a councilor who cannot protect herself, held apart from the world and those she wants to walk with — is unacceptable. It is its own form of violence.
So perhaps she has only been deluding herself, believing she was peaceful. Perhaps the wolf has always been pretending to be a fox. Nothing she has ever offered has ever been kind, now that she has the space and regret of hindsight to see it all. She's only ever offered violence, sweetened with honeyed words and promises, and nothing else. A failure, over and over, to live out the ideals of her house and herself.)
One day, she may have to ask these people to fight for her. She may have to send them into danger. She knows, intrinsically, she cannot do this alone. And yet some part of her is adamant, again and again: I have to be stronger. I can't lose anyone else. I can't be a burden any longer. I can't have anyone hurt because of me, not again.
[ But she also wants to keep this promise, too. They both have people they want to protect, to shield from the worst. Ace is one of them, too. She can't ask him to fight and yet...hasn't she already, by asking him to take up this cause? If Texas is willing to bring her all to the cause, if she is willing to fight...
The least Mel can do is meet them at the center, and ensure she is strong enough to hold her own and to have their backs too. ]
And you'll have me. You won't be left fighting alone.
[ There are other ways. She will find them and exhaust every avenue until there is no other choice. And then, she will do what's necessary. ]
I promise you. We can make this place better. We'll do whatever we can to see it through. But until then...be safe, Texas. We don't know what's to come.
[ And she won't lose a valuable ally (because she can't use the word 'friend' just yet) so soon. Not if she can help it. ]
(once upon a time, cellinia herself had even known that her world was something different from those who laughed and shared normal yet mundane moments of childhood bliss and joy. family was meant to be held above all. honor, integrity, and tradition. above oneself, one must carry in them a sense of chivalry and never once allow what they deemed important to fall away to the sword that was placed to their neck. what of her fellow man, her fellows who raise not weapons but words? those who struggle in the face of death and its promises of despair, tragedy, and demise so unfairly rotten for the beautiful souls who gave so much?
what of those who fell before her, for little more reason than a desire driven by madness? she thinks of it, she thinks of her grandfather and how he would often tell her the stories of his homeland. the old country that he once was part of, how he dreamed his darling grandchild and the apple of his eye would remember her roots. that cellinia would one day make her choice.
but that choice she made, she left fire in her wake. she holds tightly on to her loved ones, no matter how she may not convey it in how much cellinia treasures them. what once was is not for them to suffer through. her burden alone as she embraces her deepest most desire. to live, knowing that she would always have regrets. carry it on her shoulders, enact justice the way that befits her not as a texas, but as cellinia herself. she does not need a name to know what she feels, a legacy that she detested with everything she had while also never abandoning the name.
if they cannot fight, she would do it. she'd carry their burden, their dreams, and more than that on her shoulders. the way that cellinia can, the only way that she could. for them, she is their sword and no matter it all, they won't fight alone. ace, mel, even chuuya and momo. even the woman who accepted the invitation to be her roommate and ala. she no longer would allow herself to watch as those around her fell one by one. no more doubts, no more letting hesitation and fear stop her. those thorns in her may never fade away, but she offers herself despite it all.)
I will be.
(may they not see before their eye's death wrought down again. her own father may never call her his daughter again in his own death, but she would not let it stop her. from what she carries. these are her friends, to give her all is from her own desire to not surrender to wasting away to despair.
and perhaps one day, this blood staining her hands would be replaced with something more in that question she's always herself. on if it's worth it, if it would be from all that she's gone through.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 01:18 pm (UTC)[ There is only so much they can do on their own, try as they might. But to ask for help means only to draw in others who will become targets. She knows the post office idea is not going to be well-received by all; worse, she knows having eyes on the streets is tantamount to spying and will likely not be as well-received either if the people see it as such.
It's likely things will become more and more dangerous as they try to make changes, and even more so with their own corruptions. The idea of asking anyone to wade into danger for her goals is... ]
We will need to start assessing how we can mitigate the damage. I ask all of you for this help because I trust you, and because I believe you can do what's best to keep things safe. But do not hesitate to back out of any of this if it feels too dangerous — if you must protect yourself. There is no shame to it. I can't ask anyone to put themselves in harm's way because of my lofty hopes.
Just remember that you have an out.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 08:23 pm (UTC)a dangerous game, but she recognizes what this is for. she knows. they'll all be making enemies, and the government already wasn't a fan of her for this decision she's made in giving them her answer. no, she won't back away. she wouldn't forgive herself, the same way she did it for lavinia until disappearing again for a time.)
I'm not backing out.
If I did, whether it's now or in the future, then I'd wind up furious at myself for doing that. This isn't the first time I've made enemies of certain factions. In the old country, I knew what it meant. Even with how I got involved again, back then for me: I wasn't going to leave things the way they were. I'm not doing this with leaving behind people that I trust because things got rougher than we all expected.
We're in this together, and I won't stop, either. As long as we all can keep going.
(to the end, she means. though this is the first time she spoke of siracusa, of life there a little.)
no subject
Date: 2025-07-04 02:59 pm (UTC)That's the place where Mel's heart falters a little, dragging, hurt. It's very possible that they won't all see this through to the end, through one avenue or another blocking their way. Infinite's already gone missing, someone who railed against the system and seemed conflicted whenever they spoke. And she doesn't know how to look for him, either, without knowing where he might've gone...or if someone might know him well enough to know where he'd be. ]
All of us might not make it, you know.
[ There's Ace, too, which she can't speak on. Still. ]
But I think we should keep trying and do what we can, even if the outcome isn't ideal. To do any less would be cruel.
[ And even if they can't save everyone, she has to try. She can't live with so many regrets bogged down in her heart. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-04 03:35 pm (UTC)but is it truly worth surrender? is that what she desires? regrets are always something she'd carry, she might never forget. the loss of her grandfather, her father's insanity. how a country and its people cried out for change only for that to be silenced by heavy rain and bloodied streets.)
I know.
(the realization, she's known for this whole time.)
This might not be our home, but we owe it to everyone here to try. Back home, I.... (hesitance, shouldn't she tell someone without it being caused by serviton's?) Back home I wasn't always a courier.
The only other person who knows what I'm about to say is my imprint partner, because he recognized the way I carried myself as being like him.
Originally, I was mafiosi. Or mafia, I carry this torch despite no longer being part of it because it's up to me. People would lose their lives over any number of reasons in the old country. It was always the civilians caught by proxy, lives ended and people dead faster than the rain could wash it away.
Civilians like the Karterian's, people like our fellow augmented who were once regular and ordinary men and women. I say this because no matter my doubts of my former life as an heiress, I do not wish to see more people lose what once was themselves or their lives to despair and the anguish behind it.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-06 03:26 pm (UTC)It sounds like Texas understands that part deeply. Loss after loss. And it's so much worse when you feel responsible, when something that is an extension of 'family' is part of the machine that grinds people up.
(And the heiress comment gets her attention, as well. So many similarities.) ]
You and I are not so dissimilar, Texas. I've watched it happen in my home too. I may not be able to stem the tide there but if there is any way we can help the people here until we potentially leave this place [ if they can leave ] then I want to try.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-06 07:10 pm (UTC)how they'd whisper about her, the newly christened lone wolf. about how she must have died in a ditch, how she ran away and became a mindless party girl. some even gossiped about her being a disgrace to the name "texas". but she never changed it and how she never sought to turn away their thoughts from what her father had done. that was his choice, her own was to abandon what had been a life that threatened to drown her in the rain.
a life that would have killed her sooner, rather than later. they cared not about her. this was what she, cellinia, lives with. never changing her last name, carrying it on and that once prestigious legacy as a memory. the last, the only one of her bloodline now and forever. until she may draw her last breath.)
You'll have me there. (just like ace.) To watch your back, and maybe hope that we never have to see again any blood spilled by the Karterian's and by our fellows who can't fight.
1/2
Date: 2025-07-07 01:55 pm (UTC)For so long, she was one of those people. Just what is she becoming by being party to all of this?
(And yet, the alternative — to do nothing, to not fight, to remain static and unchanging, a councilor who cannot protect herself, held apart from the world and those she wants to walk with — is unacceptable. It is its own form of violence.
So perhaps she has only been deluding herself, believing she was peaceful. Perhaps the wolf has always been pretending to be a fox. Nothing she has ever offered has ever been kind, now that she has the space and regret of hindsight to see it all. She's only ever offered violence, sweetened with honeyed words and promises, and nothing else. A failure, over and over, to live out the ideals of her house and herself.)
One day, she may have to ask these people to fight for her. She may have to send them into danger. She knows, intrinsically, she cannot do this alone. And yet some part of her is adamant, again and again: I have to be stronger. I can't lose anyone else. I can't be a burden any longer. I can't have anyone hurt because of me, not again.
Over and over and over. ]
2/2
Date: 2025-07-07 01:58 pm (UTC)The least Mel can do is meet them at the center, and ensure she is strong enough to hold her own and to have their backs too. ]
And you'll have me. You won't be left fighting alone.
[ There are other ways. She will find them and exhaust every avenue until there is no other choice. And then, she will do what's necessary. ]
I promise you. We can make this place better. We'll do whatever we can to see it through. But until then...be safe, Texas. We don't know what's to come.
[ And she won't lose a valuable ally (because she can't use the word 'friend' just yet) so soon. Not if she can help it. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-07 02:40 pm (UTC)what of those who fell before her, for little more reason than a desire driven by madness? she thinks of it, she thinks of her grandfather and how he would often tell her the stories of his homeland. the old country that he once was part of, how he dreamed his darling grandchild and the apple of his eye would remember her roots. that cellinia would one day make her choice.
but that choice she made, she left fire in her wake. she holds tightly on to her loved ones, no matter how she may not convey it in how much cellinia treasures them. what once was is not for them to suffer through. her burden alone as she embraces her deepest most desire. to live, knowing that she would always have regrets. carry it on her shoulders, enact justice the way that befits her not as a texas, but as cellinia herself. she does not need a name to know what she feels, a legacy that she detested with everything she had while also never abandoning the name.
if they cannot fight, she would do it. she'd carry their burden, their dreams, and more than that on her shoulders. the way that cellinia can, the only way that she could. for them, she is their sword and no matter it all, they won't fight alone. ace, mel, even chuuya and momo. even the woman who accepted the invitation to be her roommate and ala. she no longer would allow herself to watch as those around her fell one by one. no more doubts, no more letting hesitation and fear stop her. those thorns in her may never fade away, but she offers herself despite it all.)
I will be.
(may they not see before their eye's death wrought down again. her own father may never call her his daughter again in his own death, but she would not let it stop her. from what she carries. these are her friends, to give her all is from her own desire to not surrender to wasting away to despair.
and perhaps one day, this blood staining her hands would be replaced with something more in that question she's always herself. on if it's worth it, if it would be from all that she's gone through.)