He meant well for us. I'll be the first to admit he can be a pain in the ass with some things he does, but I owe him a lot.
(if it wasn't for him, texas doubts she would have pulled herself out of the fire. there weren't comparisons of her being like a corpse for nothing back then in how empty she felt. anger and doubt could seep into one's life to a greater extent, sometimes ruining them to pieces after what she's done. it only hasn't because gradually she learned to live, while unlearning what once made her. there were only two back then in her life that could say they know her. know of her to an extent with the other almost being in sync with her.
the hardest part of habits is to break away from them, though she could understand loneliness and wanting to feel useful. more-so the loneliness, she's felt that many times from the forced separation of herself and her friends. being dubbed a lone wolf by the old country meant no sane lupo would look her way. the scent would be obvious to them that she has no pack so that is something that she carries on even here as a solitary wolf.)
That's right. Life slipping by is only just another regret, or that's how I saw it. For me, it took me a while to learn that lesson. It doesn't matter how you started, what matters is how you want to change it and how you want to live.
(just like her. living with her own regrets, but accepting them as a part of her life. she found her way eventually, the path she took being one that both her childhood friends would never be able to walk beside her on. this path called life and living, because she came to realize in the end, life is something that she loves in her own way.)
[ It's an interesting sentiment. Change is so very difficult to sustain. She's often wondered what it takes for someone to make, unmake, remake themselves anew each and every time. At times, she wonders if that's always been the crux of her mother's stubbornness: Mel valued change, wanted it for her mother, and she was asking her to break apart and be remade.
And here she is, left with too many regrets of her own. ]
How would you like to live, Texas? Obviously, being here isn't ideal in the slightest. But if you had things your way, what would you do?
(it's an interesting question, how does she want to live? in the past, she would have likely mentioned for her grandfather and his desire of carrying on a legacy that she once had been part of. that she, too, wishes to see siracusa that way that he did and lived in a way that would have benefit not just her family, but those around her and herself. but she had doubts, doubts any girl with such expectations on her shoulders would have. after seeing the old country, it only caused those doubts to grow on if this must be her path.
and then his demise came, cold and swift. her father did not care, he didn't express much remorse even as her sword pierced his skin through his heart. only betrayal that his own daughter could not stand for this, that she would enact justice that night by wiping clean the slate.)
In the past, I would have had a different answer. Now, I only look at it as I desire to be free. To make my choices, to have those regrets, to remember those near and dear to me. I want to live a life that is not just free, but a life that would keep those important to me safe.
I want to live for them, too. They've all done so much for me in their own ways that I doubt that I would have been the same person that I am now without it.
[ In a way, her wish is not so dissimilar to Mel's own. She may not have so many loved ones in that sense, but there is still a desire to protect what little she has left. But where Texas speaks of being free, well... It makes her wonder what Texas has gone through to feel she hasn't been free in the first place, that she's lived a life that isn't her own. ]
You're speaking of a life that I think most people want for themselves and for others around them. Most normal people, I would say.
[ And there are those who don't spare much thought for others and sees them more as stepping stones. ]
It might be difficult to do in a place like this, where we're all technically trapped. But you've a kind heart to want that for others, just the same, and to be willing to help them find that path.
It took me a long time to reach this, honestly. Seven years. Seven years of thinking, seven years of gradually letting go of doubts I had.
(being a young lady in the life of the mafiosi came with its own struggles, women aren't supposed to be fighters. they're supposed to be the one raising the children that were born into the fold to remember their values. their honor and integrity. it's a life far too brutal for anyone normal, a life that should never be wished upon others while she remembers it.
she knows it too well. but it changes little, she doesn't think of herself as having a kind heart, she thinks of herself as being selfish. though that? that is far from the truth, she's not as selfish as she believes. texas has done things because she could not stand by, not while others were hurt further and further. civilians who were powerless, her friends. she was angry, angry to be brought back into the violence that once threatened to claim her life had she stayed. she was angry because she wished for nothing more than not only her freedom, but for it to end this senseless bloodshed.)
I'd do the same for anyone if I care about them, both of my childhood friends knew that even if we all chose different paths. Even if it means we might not one day see one another again.
[ Hah. Then Texas is much further along down this kind of path than Mel is. She smiles at the device as she reads, but it's a melancholy thing. It sounds like Texas has had to choose between a life of expectation and a life she may want, even at the cost of so much. She seems so young, though that means nothing; plenty of people have suffered from the time of childhood, and she won't look down on Texas or pity her for it. ]
You've been through so much difficulty, it seems. And then you were brought here where nothing has eased.
[ Ace will be a good friend to her, she thinks. He's always smiling, though she fears that's just for show. ]
I hope you know you don't need to face your difficulties here on your own.
(she really has gone through a lot, even for someone as young as her. nothing could be changed, but perhaps one day she might talk about it willingly to someone other than chuuya who knew about her secret from their imprinting. about her former ties, her blood ties. there was just a certain air about her that made it obvious in how both of them got along too well.)
Home was....draining, to put it lightly.
(nothing more needed to be said. nothing more than that, but she knows she can agree about ace. she does worry. admittedly, she also worries about mel as someone that can gradually consider the other woman a friend. she didn't need to carry her own weight on her shoulders alone, too.)
I know. Sometimes it takes time to remember that, trust isn't something I give easily. But, whenever I do trust someone....I'll do anything for a friend.
Even before that, we are your co-workers for the time being. We can succeed better together and with a proper understanding of the barriers presented to us.
[ And not just in work, though she can understand the need for privacy and distance. It's not as though Mel isn't keeping her own cards close to her chest. She's being a hypocrite, anyway, requesting that others lean on her while not doing the same herself. It just feels sometimes that her problems pale in comparison to others, especially for someone like Ace who seems to be doing so much work, and with such a bleak outlook on the time he has. ]
Regardless, let's discuss with Ace about doing weekly meetings for the time being. I want to give the proposal for the mail lockers soon so we can work on drumming up support for more jobs, and then perhaps that will be incentive enough to get other pieces of our work moving.
[ Like repairing the ServiTrons, allowing for more mail hours, even running a public relations campaign for funding. ]
I know. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't trust both of you to have my back based off our conversations.
(she does things within reason, typically. because they both are people she can trust, then she wouldn't hold herself back from acting accordingly by following their lead. which is why she worries after them both, she might always. young or not, she wouldn't allow them to feel as if they had to go things alone, after her own experiences with that.)
Okay. But....I have one more thing to mention. I brought up to the person I'm imprinted on something else that happened last month.(since she hadn't told her yet....)Those suits from before, I went back again at one point and my partner at the time was shoved for trying to catch one. I attempted to tackle him, and suddenly I was unconscious. Exactly like when Patho-Gen does it.
(it's better that she tells mel first, ace? she's more worried about how he could react.)
[ There's a fleeting sense of gratitude when Texas says she trusts her, replaced quickly by concern over what she reveals. Mel's fingers shift over the device, uncertain, disliking the implications. A few possibilities come to mind, each one worse than the last: that these are Patho-Gen's people carrying out experiments or taking souls; that these are people Patho-Gen knows but will not reach out to stop, and who have access to their technology; that there is something greater at work, that perhaps Patho-Gen is part of a larger whole.
Each piece feels worse than the last. Mel frowns, almost glaring at the device. ]
I'm glad you're safe. Was someone able to wake you or did you need to go back to Patho-Gen for aid?
I was woken up not long after, by then he was gone.
(the worrisome part is that they have no idea who or what faction those men were part of. she did discuss with momo and salome that there was no way that this could be patho-gen's own, so it's something else entirely. something that recreated the clickers, she already isn't liking the sound of it. those men will be a problem. if augmented can be taken by them, that means that they'll all need to maintain some manner of defenses by not staying alone for long at any time they can manage.
this doesn't look good, admittedly. hidden factions at play can be rougher than the ones they know about, such as the government, the different classes, and patho-gen itself.)
I didn't mention it to Ace yet because I'm worried more how he might react. The factions we know of are one thing, but if there are hidden factions? The concerning part is what they're after that requires them to have the same devices.
[ So it didn't require a trip to Patho-Gen, which, while lucky...also means there wasn't an opportunity to ask them why it happened in the first place. That's likely on purpose. But it's a concern, because it means any attempts to follow these people could put any of the Augmented in danger. And they can't exactly ask a citizen to help them.
It's irritating. ]
It's also possible these people were once aligned with Patho-Gen or a subset of them, like contractors. They may have access to the same technology without technically being Patho-Gen to avoid suspicion.
[ People who come in and clean up problems. But they have to either be in the city somewhere or they must be hiding somewhere else, and that means there has to be somewhere with similar protections to Karteria. ]
Ace likely won't take it well. But this kind of information is something we need to be aware of to keep ourselves safe.
....it's worrisome, I can say that much. We already have the groups that are out in the open, Patho-Gen, the government, and the class separations. A hidden group is....not necessarily a good look for our problems.
The monster population was behaving strangely during that time frame: which caused me to believe that they're unintentionally, that is if this was unintended, are potentially the source behind it. But this is only a theory myself and another person considered as possible.
(that time she was lucky, she doubts she'll always be lucky. given how those tools of theirs works, the tech behind it would cause them to have to watch their backs more. she needed to inform momo later, others, too. if those men come back, and they aren't careful, they could wind up disappearing.)
It's difficult to say if it were true. I only know that the three of us will need to be careful more. Hidden enemies are bound to show themselves eventually.
But this also means we have to consider the other possibilities, such as involving others carefully while doing our best to not place any civilians or any other augmented incapable of fighting much in unnecessary danger.
[ There is only so much they can do on their own, try as they might. But to ask for help means only to draw in others who will become targets. She knows the post office idea is not going to be well-received by all; worse, she knows having eyes on the streets is tantamount to spying and will likely not be as well-received either if the people see it as such.
It's likely things will become more and more dangerous as they try to make changes, and even more so with their own corruptions. The idea of asking anyone to wade into danger for her goals is... ]
We will need to start assessing how we can mitigate the damage. I ask all of you for this help because I trust you, and because I believe you can do what's best to keep things safe. But do not hesitate to back out of any of this if it feels too dangerous — if you must protect yourself. There is no shame to it. I can't ask anyone to put themselves in harm's way because of my lofty hopes.
(an out, she knows she can take it. she knows truly that there were risks in this, too many of them in a way. but could she walk away? she knows the answer to that question, it's like leon and lavinia asking her to help. it's like how they wished to change the old county into something more than it's bloodied history of betrayal and death. rain that never seemed to stop pouring, maybe like heaven itself had been crying at the thought that they all were reduced down to kill or be killed.
a dangerous game, but she recognizes what this is for. she knows. they'll all be making enemies, and the government already wasn't a fan of her for this decision she's made in giving them her answer. no, she won't back away. she wouldn't forgive herself, the same way she did it for lavinia until disappearing again for a time.)
I'm not backing out.
If I did, whether it's now or in the future, then I'd wind up furious at myself for doing that. This isn't the first time I've made enemies of certain factions. In the old country, I knew what it meant. Even with how I got involved again, back then for me: I wasn't going to leave things the way they were. I'm not doing this with leaving behind people that I trust because things got rougher than we all expected.
We're in this together, and I won't stop, either. As long as we all can keep going.
(to the end, she means. though this is the first time she spoke of siracusa, of life there a little.)
That's the place where Mel's heart falters a little, dragging, hurt. It's very possible that they won't all see this through to the end, through one avenue or another blocking their way. Infinite's already gone missing, someone who railed against the system and seemed conflicted whenever they spoke. And she doesn't know how to look for him, either, without knowing where he might've gone...or if someone might know him well enough to know where he'd be. ]
All of us might not make it, you know.
[ There's Ace, too, which she can't speak on. Still. ]
But I think we should keep trying and do what we can, even if the outcome isn't ideal. To do any less would be cruel.
[ And even if they can't save everyone, she has to try. She can't live with so many regrets bogged down in her heart. ]
(she knows. she's terrified, but she knows underneath the surface. they all could lose so much more, not only their lives, but what once had been themselves. this is their home, even if it's just for now. texas herself knows. hadn't she lost sight of her own childhood friend? one moment, lappland was there, the next she wasn't. she doesn't know where she went. texas might not ever find her again, but there was more going on. all of it didn't sit well with her.
but is it truly worth surrender? is that what she desires? regrets are always something she'd carry, she might never forget. the loss of her grandfather, her father's insanity. how a country and its people cried out for change only for that to be silenced by heavy rain and bloodied streets.)
I know.
(the realization, she's known for this whole time.)
This might not be our home, but we owe it to everyone here to try. Back home, I....(hesitance, shouldn't she tell someone without it being caused by serviton's?)Back home I wasn't always a courier.
The only other person who knows what I'm about to say is my imprint partner, because he recognized the way I carried myself as being like him. Originally, I was mafiosi. Or mafia, I carry this torch despite no longer being part of it because it's up to me. People would lose their lives over any number of reasons in the old country. It was always the civilians caught by proxy, lives ended and people dead faster than the rain could wash it away.
Civilians like the Karterian's, people like our fellow augmented who were once regular and ordinary men and women. I say this because no matter my doubts of my former life as an heiress, I do not wish to see more people lose what once was themselves or their lives to despair and the anguish behind it.
[ Neither of the terms ring for her. But she sees the thread there, just the same: people who die because of the actions of the few, of those above them with control. Mel had been one of those people, turning a blind eye to Zaun and its needs. It was negligence. But what Texas speaks of... It makes her think of home, of Noxus, of the countless wars for conquest and all of the people caught in between. The senseless loss.
It sounds like Texas understands that part deeply. Loss after loss. And it's so much worse when you feel responsible, when something that is an extension of 'family' is part of the machine that grinds people up.
(And the heiress comment gets her attention, as well. So many similarities.) ]
You and I are not so dissimilar, Texas. I've watched it happen in my home too. I may not be able to stem the tide there but if there is any way we can help the people here until we potentially leave this place [ if they can leave ] then I want to try.
(they're similar. with or without realizing it, down to her knowing in reality that not many would understand her choice that night. to kill after meeting him one last time, her father. to set ablaze their mansion home, ending the lives of her familiga and her own blood. what she enacted was what texas felt just. take the life of her father and burn away what remains of everything that once had been her and her old life. there were no winners (there weren't ever any) with her recollection of everything said about herself. the people didn't care about her reason for justice. all they saw was a woman, a girl, who separated herself from the fold by not perishing that night.
how they'd whisper about her, the newly christened lone wolf. about how she must have died in a ditch, how she ran away and became a mindless party girl. some even gossiped about her being a disgrace to the name "texas". but she never changed it and how she never sought to turn away their thoughts from what her father had done. that was his choice, her own was to abandon what had been a life that threatened to drown her in the rain.
a life that would have killed her sooner, rather than later. they cared not about her. this was what she, cellinia, lives with. never changing her last name, carrying it on and that once prestigious legacy as a memory. the last, the only one of her bloodline now and forever. until she may draw her last breath.)
You'll have me there.(just like ace.)To watch your back, and maybe hope that we never have to see again any blood spilled by the Karterian's and by our fellows who can't fight.
[ It shouldn't comfort her as much as it does to read those words because she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that it means there will one day be a need for violence. Even when it means protecting something — and someone — worth fighting for, it means Mel will have to break the final moral she has held for herself. There is always another way, is what she has told herself for years and years, and here she is, making pacts with people to stand up and fight to protect those she cares for, for the people who cannot fight themselves.
For so long, she was one of those people. Just what is she becoming by being party to all of this?
(And yet, the alternative — to do nothing, to not fight, to remain static and unchanging, a councilor who cannot protect herself, held apart from the world and those she wants to walk with — is unacceptable. It is its own form of violence.
So perhaps she has only been deluding herself, believing she was peaceful. Perhaps the wolf has always been pretending to be a fox. Nothing she has ever offered has ever been kind, now that she has the space and regret of hindsight to see it all. She's only ever offered violence, sweetened with honeyed words and promises, and nothing else. A failure, over and over, to live out the ideals of her house and herself.)
One day, she may have to ask these people to fight for her. She may have to send them into danger. She knows, intrinsically, she cannot do this alone. And yet some part of her is adamant, again and again: I have to be stronger. I can't lose anyone else. I can't be a burden any longer. I can't have anyone hurt because of me, not again.
[ But she also wants to keep this promise, too. They both have people they want to protect, to shield from the worst. Ace is one of them, too. She can't ask him to fight and yet...hasn't she already, by asking him to take up this cause? If Texas is willing to bring her all to the cause, if she is willing to fight...
The least Mel can do is meet them at the center, and ensure she is strong enough to hold her own and to have their backs too. ]
And you'll have me. You won't be left fighting alone.
[ There are other ways. She will find them and exhaust every avenue until there is no other choice. And then, she will do what's necessary. ]
I promise you. We can make this place better. We'll do whatever we can to see it through. But until then...be safe, Texas. We don't know what's to come.
[ And she won't lose a valuable ally (because she can't use the word 'friend' just yet) so soon. Not if she can help it. ]
(once upon a time, cellinia herself had even known that her world was something different from those who laughed and shared normal yet mundane moments of childhood bliss and joy. family was meant to be held above all. honor, integrity, and tradition. above oneself, one must carry in them a sense of chivalry and never once allow what they deemed important to fall away to the sword that was placed to their neck. what of her fellow man, her fellows who raise not weapons but words? those who struggle in the face of death and its promises of despair, tragedy, and demise so unfairly rotten for the beautiful souls who gave so much?
what of those who fell before her, for little more reason than a desire driven by madness? she thinks of it, she thinks of her grandfather and how he would often tell her the stories of his homeland. the old country that he once was part of, how he dreamed his darling grandchild and the apple of his eye would remember her roots. that cellinia would one day make her choice.
but that choice she made, she left fire in her wake. she holds tightly on to her loved ones, no matter how she may not convey it in how much cellinia treasures them. what once was is not for them to suffer through. her burden alone as she embraces her deepest most desire. to live, knowing that she would always have regrets. carry it on her shoulders, enact justice the way that befits her not as a texas, but as cellinia herself. she does not need a name to know what she feels, a legacy that she detested with everything she had while also never abandoning the name.
if they cannot fight, she would do it. she'd carry their burden, their dreams, and more than that on her shoulders. the way that cellinia can, the only way that she could. for them, she is their sword and no matter it all, they won't fight alone. ace, mel, even chuuya and momo. even the woman who accepted the invitation to be her roommate and ala. she no longer would allow herself to watch as those around her fell one by one. no more doubts, no more letting hesitation and fear stop her. those thorns in her may never fade away, but she offers herself despite it all.)
I will be.
(may they not see before their eye's death wrought down again. her own father may never call her his daughter again in his own death, but she would not let it stop her. from what she carries. these are her friends, to give her all is from her own desire to not surrender to wasting away to despair.
and perhaps one day, this blood staining her hands would be replaced with something more in that question she's always herself. on if it's worth it, if it would be from all that she's gone through.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2025-06-09 12:06 pm (UTC)(if it wasn't for him, texas doubts she would have pulled herself out of the fire. there weren't comparisons of her being like a corpse for nothing back then in how empty she felt. anger and doubt could seep into one's life to a greater extent, sometimes ruining them to pieces after what she's done. it only hasn't because gradually she learned to live, while unlearning what once made her. there were only two back then in her life that could say they know her. know of her to an extent with the other almost being in sync with her.
the hardest part of habits is to break away from them, though she could understand loneliness and wanting to feel useful. more-so the loneliness, she's felt that many times from the forced separation of herself and her friends. being dubbed a lone wolf by the old country meant no sane lupo would look her way. the scent would be obvious to them that she has no pack so that is something that she carries on even here as a solitary wolf.)
That's right. Life slipping by is only just another regret, or that's how I saw it. For me, it took me a while to learn that lesson. It doesn't matter how you started, what matters is how you want to change it and how you want to live.
(just like her. living with her own regrets, but accepting them as a part of her life. she found her way eventually, the path she took being one that both her childhood friends would never be able to walk beside her on. this path called life and living, because she came to realize in the end, life is something that she loves in her own way.)
no subject
Date: 2025-06-14 02:02 am (UTC)And here she is, left with too many regrets of her own. ]
How would you like to live, Texas? Obviously, being here isn't ideal in the slightest. But if you had things your way, what would you do?
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Date: 2025-06-18 10:16 pm (UTC)and then his demise came, cold and swift. her father did not care, he didn't express much remorse even as her sword pierced his skin through his heart. only betrayal that his own daughter could not stand for this, that she would enact justice that night by wiping clean the slate.)
In the past, I would have had a different answer. Now, I only look at it as I desire to be free. To make my choices, to have those regrets, to remember those near and dear to me. I want to live a life that is not just free, but a life that would keep those important to me safe.
I want to live for them, too. They've all done so much for me in their own ways that I doubt that I would have been the same person that I am now without it.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-20 09:53 pm (UTC)You're speaking of a life that I think most people want for themselves and for others around them. Most normal people, I would say.
[ And there are those who don't spare much thought for others and sees them more as stepping stones. ]
It might be difficult to do in a place like this, where we're all technically trapped. But you've a kind heart to want that for others, just the same, and to be willing to help them find that path.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-20 10:08 pm (UTC)(being a young lady in the life of the mafiosi came with its own struggles, women aren't supposed to be fighters. they're supposed to be the one raising the children that were born into the fold to remember their values. their honor and integrity. it's a life far too brutal for anyone normal, a life that should never be wished upon others while she remembers it.
she knows it too well. but it changes little, she doesn't think of herself as having a kind heart, she thinks of herself as being selfish. though that? that is far from the truth, she's not as selfish as she believes. texas has done things because she could not stand by, not while others were hurt further and further. civilians who were powerless, her friends. she was angry, angry to be brought back into the violence that once threatened to claim her life had she stayed. she was angry because she wished for nothing more than not only her freedom, but for it to end this senseless bloodshed.)
I'd do the same for anyone if I care about them, both of my childhood friends knew that even if we all chose different paths. Even if it means we might not one day see one another again.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-22 12:04 am (UTC)You've been through so much difficulty, it seems. And then you were brought here where nothing has eased.
[ Ace will be a good friend to her, she thinks. He's always smiling, though she fears that's just for show. ]
I hope you know you don't need to face your difficulties here on your own.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-23 09:23 am (UTC)Home was....draining, to put it lightly.
(nothing more needed to be said. nothing more than that, but she knows she can agree about ace. she does worry. admittedly, she also worries about mel as someone that can gradually consider the other woman a friend. she didn't need to carry her own weight on her shoulders alone, too.)
I know. Sometimes it takes time to remember that, trust isn't something I give easily. But, whenever I do trust someone....I'll do anything for a friend.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-23 03:29 pm (UTC)[ And not just in work, though she can understand the need for privacy and distance. It's not as though Mel isn't keeping her own cards close to her chest. She's being a hypocrite, anyway, requesting that others lean on her while not doing the same herself. It just feels sometimes that her problems pale in comparison to others, especially for someone like Ace who seems to be doing so much work, and with such a bleak outlook on the time he has. ]
Regardless, let's discuss with Ace about doing weekly meetings for the time being. I want to give the proposal for the mail lockers soon so we can work on drumming up support for more jobs, and then perhaps that will be incentive enough to get other pieces of our work moving.
[ Like repairing the ServiTrons, allowing for more mail hours, even running a public relations campaign for funding. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-06-25 07:52 pm (UTC)(she does things within reason, typically. because they both are people she can trust, then she wouldn't hold herself back from acting accordingly by following their lead. which is why she worries after them both, she might always. young or not, she wouldn't allow them to feel as if they had to go things alone, after her own experiences with that.)
Okay. But....I have one more thing to mention. I brought up to the person I'm imprinted on something else that happened last month. (since she hadn't told her yet....) Those suits from before, I went back again at one point and my partner at the time was shoved for trying to catch one. I attempted to tackle him, and suddenly I was unconscious. Exactly like when Patho-Gen does it.
(it's better that she tells mel first, ace? she's more worried about how he could react.)
no subject
Date: 2025-06-27 12:48 am (UTC)Each piece feels worse than the last. Mel frowns, almost glaring at the device. ]
I'm glad you're safe. Was someone able to wake you or did you need to go back to Patho-Gen for aid?
no subject
Date: 2025-06-28 12:03 am (UTC)(the worrisome part is that they have no idea who or what faction those men were part of. she did discuss with momo and salome that there was no way that this could be patho-gen's own, so it's something else entirely. something that recreated the clickers, she already isn't liking the sound of it. those men will be a problem. if augmented can be taken by them, that means that they'll all need to maintain some manner of defenses by not staying alone for long at any time they can manage.
this doesn't look good, admittedly. hidden factions at play can be rougher than the ones they know about, such as the government, the different classes, and patho-gen itself.)
I didn't mention it to Ace yet because I'm worried more how he might react. The factions we know of are one thing, but if there are hidden factions? The concerning part is what they're after that requires them to have the same devices.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-28 02:29 pm (UTC)It's irritating. ]
It's also possible these people were once aligned with Patho-Gen or a subset of them, like contractors. They may have access to the same technology without technically being Patho-Gen to avoid suspicion.
[ People who come in and clean up problems. But they have to either be in the city somewhere or they must be hiding somewhere else, and that means there has to be somewhere with similar protections to Karteria. ]
Ace likely won't take it well. But this kind of information is something we need to be aware of to keep ourselves safe.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-30 03:12 pm (UTC)We already have the groups that are out in the open, Patho-Gen, the government, and the class separations. A hidden group is....not necessarily a good look for our problems.
The monster population was behaving strangely during that time frame: which caused me to believe that they're unintentionally, that is if this was unintended, are potentially the source behind it. But this is only a theory myself and another person considered as possible.
(that time she was lucky, she doubts she'll always be lucky. given how those tools of theirs works, the tech behind it would cause them to have to watch their backs more. she needed to inform momo later, others, too. if those men come back, and they aren't careful, they could wind up disappearing.)
It's difficult to say if it were true. I only know that the three of us will need to be careful more. Hidden enemies are bound to show themselves eventually.
But this also means we have to consider the other possibilities, such as involving others carefully while doing our best to not place any civilians or any other augmented incapable of fighting much in unnecessary danger.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 01:18 pm (UTC)[ There is only so much they can do on their own, try as they might. But to ask for help means only to draw in others who will become targets. She knows the post office idea is not going to be well-received by all; worse, she knows having eyes on the streets is tantamount to spying and will likely not be as well-received either if the people see it as such.
It's likely things will become more and more dangerous as they try to make changes, and even more so with their own corruptions. The idea of asking anyone to wade into danger for her goals is... ]
We will need to start assessing how we can mitigate the damage. I ask all of you for this help because I trust you, and because I believe you can do what's best to keep things safe. But do not hesitate to back out of any of this if it feels too dangerous — if you must protect yourself. There is no shame to it. I can't ask anyone to put themselves in harm's way because of my lofty hopes.
Just remember that you have an out.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 08:23 pm (UTC)a dangerous game, but she recognizes what this is for. she knows. they'll all be making enemies, and the government already wasn't a fan of her for this decision she's made in giving them her answer. no, she won't back away. she wouldn't forgive herself, the same way she did it for lavinia until disappearing again for a time.)
I'm not backing out.
If I did, whether it's now or in the future, then I'd wind up furious at myself for doing that. This isn't the first time I've made enemies of certain factions. In the old country, I knew what it meant. Even with how I got involved again, back then for me: I wasn't going to leave things the way they were. I'm not doing this with leaving behind people that I trust because things got rougher than we all expected.
We're in this together, and I won't stop, either. As long as we all can keep going.
(to the end, she means. though this is the first time she spoke of siracusa, of life there a little.)
no subject
Date: 2025-07-04 02:59 pm (UTC)That's the place where Mel's heart falters a little, dragging, hurt. It's very possible that they won't all see this through to the end, through one avenue or another blocking their way. Infinite's already gone missing, someone who railed against the system and seemed conflicted whenever they spoke. And she doesn't know how to look for him, either, without knowing where he might've gone...or if someone might know him well enough to know where he'd be. ]
All of us might not make it, you know.
[ There's Ace, too, which she can't speak on. Still. ]
But I think we should keep trying and do what we can, even if the outcome isn't ideal. To do any less would be cruel.
[ And even if they can't save everyone, she has to try. She can't live with so many regrets bogged down in her heart. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-04 03:35 pm (UTC)but is it truly worth surrender? is that what she desires? regrets are always something she'd carry, she might never forget. the loss of her grandfather, her father's insanity. how a country and its people cried out for change only for that to be silenced by heavy rain and bloodied streets.)
I know.
(the realization, she's known for this whole time.)
This might not be our home, but we owe it to everyone here to try. Back home, I.... (hesitance, shouldn't she tell someone without it being caused by serviton's?) Back home I wasn't always a courier.
The only other person who knows what I'm about to say is my imprint partner, because he recognized the way I carried myself as being like him.
Originally, I was mafiosi. Or mafia, I carry this torch despite no longer being part of it because it's up to me. People would lose their lives over any number of reasons in the old country. It was always the civilians caught by proxy, lives ended and people dead faster than the rain could wash it away.
Civilians like the Karterian's, people like our fellow augmented who were once regular and ordinary men and women. I say this because no matter my doubts of my former life as an heiress, I do not wish to see more people lose what once was themselves or their lives to despair and the anguish behind it.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-06 03:26 pm (UTC)It sounds like Texas understands that part deeply. Loss after loss. And it's so much worse when you feel responsible, when something that is an extension of 'family' is part of the machine that grinds people up.
(And the heiress comment gets her attention, as well. So many similarities.) ]
You and I are not so dissimilar, Texas. I've watched it happen in my home too. I may not be able to stem the tide there but if there is any way we can help the people here until we potentially leave this place [ if they can leave ] then I want to try.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-06 07:10 pm (UTC)how they'd whisper about her, the newly christened lone wolf. about how she must have died in a ditch, how she ran away and became a mindless party girl. some even gossiped about her being a disgrace to the name "texas". but she never changed it and how she never sought to turn away their thoughts from what her father had done. that was his choice, her own was to abandon what had been a life that threatened to drown her in the rain.
a life that would have killed her sooner, rather than later. they cared not about her. this was what she, cellinia, lives with. never changing her last name, carrying it on and that once prestigious legacy as a memory. the last, the only one of her bloodline now and forever. until she may draw her last breath.)
You'll have me there. (just like ace.) To watch your back, and maybe hope that we never have to see again any blood spilled by the Karterian's and by our fellows who can't fight.
1/2
Date: 2025-07-07 01:55 pm (UTC)For so long, she was one of those people. Just what is she becoming by being party to all of this?
(And yet, the alternative — to do nothing, to not fight, to remain static and unchanging, a councilor who cannot protect herself, held apart from the world and those she wants to walk with — is unacceptable. It is its own form of violence.
So perhaps she has only been deluding herself, believing she was peaceful. Perhaps the wolf has always been pretending to be a fox. Nothing she has ever offered has ever been kind, now that she has the space and regret of hindsight to see it all. She's only ever offered violence, sweetened with honeyed words and promises, and nothing else. A failure, over and over, to live out the ideals of her house and herself.)
One day, she may have to ask these people to fight for her. She may have to send them into danger. She knows, intrinsically, she cannot do this alone. And yet some part of her is adamant, again and again: I have to be stronger. I can't lose anyone else. I can't be a burden any longer. I can't have anyone hurt because of me, not again.
Over and over and over. ]
2/2
Date: 2025-07-07 01:58 pm (UTC)The least Mel can do is meet them at the center, and ensure she is strong enough to hold her own and to have their backs too. ]
And you'll have me. You won't be left fighting alone.
[ There are other ways. She will find them and exhaust every avenue until there is no other choice. And then, she will do what's necessary. ]
I promise you. We can make this place better. We'll do whatever we can to see it through. But until then...be safe, Texas. We don't know what's to come.
[ And she won't lose a valuable ally (because she can't use the word 'friend' just yet) so soon. Not if she can help it. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-07 02:40 pm (UTC)what of those who fell before her, for little more reason than a desire driven by madness? she thinks of it, she thinks of her grandfather and how he would often tell her the stories of his homeland. the old country that he once was part of, how he dreamed his darling grandchild and the apple of his eye would remember her roots. that cellinia would one day make her choice.
but that choice she made, she left fire in her wake. she holds tightly on to her loved ones, no matter how she may not convey it in how much cellinia treasures them. what once was is not for them to suffer through. her burden alone as she embraces her deepest most desire. to live, knowing that she would always have regrets. carry it on her shoulders, enact justice the way that befits her not as a texas, but as cellinia herself. she does not need a name to know what she feels, a legacy that she detested with everything she had while also never abandoning the name.
if they cannot fight, she would do it. she'd carry their burden, their dreams, and more than that on her shoulders. the way that cellinia can, the only way that she could. for them, she is their sword and no matter it all, they won't fight alone. ace, mel, even chuuya and momo. even the woman who accepted the invitation to be her roommate and ala. she no longer would allow herself to watch as those around her fell one by one. no more doubts, no more letting hesitation and fear stop her. those thorns in her may never fade away, but she offers herself despite it all.)
I will be.
(may they not see before their eye's death wrought down again. her own father may never call her his daughter again in his own death, but she would not let it stop her. from what she carries. these are her friends, to give her all is from her own desire to not surrender to wasting away to despair.
and perhaps one day, this blood staining her hands would be replaced with something more in that question she's always herself. on if it's worth it, if it would be from all that she's gone through.)